Fifth month

Ouch. Tripped and fell while walking to the trolley this morning. Skinned my knee in the same place where I skinned it in Firstmonth. Maybe if i build up enough scar tissue.....

And, of course, I'm wearing clothes that i *didn't* buy in a thrift store -- my 'interview suit' -- at least i didn't completely rip out the knee.

High school was hell. At least that's my excuse for zoning on BtVS episode synopses when i should really be working my way through NET-3-HOWTO. I really need the fear of a boss put in me. First i had the confrontation avoiding advisor from hell [insert link to your least favorite ivy league school here]. Now i have a boss who gave me obscenely high review rankings & gushed during our annual review session. The only criticism i could garner was that i should find a better hardware vendor, one who can get us machines on time. (Don't ask me my opinion of Linux Hardware Solutions and their merger with VA.) (At least the boxes do work, although the server crashed one morning around 5 am for no apparent cause -- flaky power supply?) Anyhow, the boxes finally got here. The other department (we'll call it D) with whom we are 'collaborating' on this project first said they were going to meet the original end of April deadline. My department (we'll call it M) didn't care as we had never agreed to that deadline -- we should be ready by 24 May. News now comes that department D won't have a major piece delivered until the 26th -- guaranteed to be here on the 28th. Then there are installation issues the network guy (he's his own department -- we'll call it N) can not start until that major piece is delivered. And i'm not giving my dear boxes to anyone until i can chat with them over the ethernet. Anyhow -- somehow i take this as a reprieve.

I didn't want to whine about the dysfunction of my workplace, though. (I find it interesting to analyze, but i am still outside the politics -- i think.) I watched (my taped copy of) episode 3ABB20 "The Prom" last evening, weeping as Buffy and Angel break up, weeping as Buffy was recognized as "Class Protector". I remember breaking up with my first boyfriend my freshman year -- because my mom wouldn't let him (a junior) drive me there. JN had a yellow Mustang II and definitely an 'attitude' that my mom didn't like. On the other hand, he was extremely respectful of me. His mom called my parents over the insult (and, it was). In the end, i knew i had to live with my parents for three more years, and i couldn't take the hassle. It wasn't fair to him, i felt, to have a girlfriend he could never date.

As i write, i realize more and more how i could identify with the Buffy/Angel breakup. We didn't break up because of *us;* i loved him as much as i think i could at that point. We broke up -- or i broke up with him -- because it was the 'fair' thing to do -- and because the status quo, complete misery at home, was hardly bearable.

He certainly had a moodiness and a darkness to him...

Look, just because i cry during BtVS doesn't mean i'm not a bona fide geek. The first time i cried in a movie theatre (and before i ever cried for a TV show) was when they blew up the Enterprise in Search for Spock.